Loving ME: a conversation

Bipolar disorder, Depression, Borderline personality disorder, Suicide

 

When I look at you or even think of you my heart literally starts skipping beats.

Not just one but a skipping them in patterns.

Short beats that take my breath away

long beats that seem to take years to finish their course

It feels like the flow of blood is trying to spell out

you're in love, in morse code

I'm so happy that I met you when I did.

 

i feel insignificant.

people like me, i make them laugh and they like to be around me. i have plenty of friends and am a pretty social person.

but people really only see me as someone who makes jokes i feel.

 

With a single word from you comes an antidote that revokes the toxicity of the life I live. Nevermore shall I long to endure that desolation or damage to myself, attempting to sense something that is not even there to begin with.

 

no one bothers to stand next to me or say they miss or puts me first. i feel like only a small part of peoples lives. a part they would miss but wouldnt nescarally know was gone at first.

 

Now I possess a greater strength and a purpose.

The benevolent compassion that I have been lucky enough to receive is perceived as beauty of the person whom it has been administered from.

 

i wouldnt be thought of or loved by the people around me. people dont make strong connections, they dont open up to me.

 

You are the reason that I no longer feel alone.

Because even though you may not physically be with me right now, you're still here.

You'll always be with me.

No matter what, regardless of what may happen, I love you and I always will.

Even if you don't. You are the reason I'm going to try in life.

I'm never giving up on you

 

i dont know why. its a lonely feeling.

 

With a single word from you comes an antidote that revokes the toxicity of the life I live. Nevermore shall I long to endure desolation or damage to myself, attempting to sense something that is not even there to begin with.

 

I don’t think you should love me

 

Now I possess a greater strength and a purpose.

The benevolent compassion that I have been lucky enough to receive is perceived as beauty of the person whom it has been administered from.

I don’t think you should love me

 

You take the weight off my shoulders

 

I am the weight on my shoulders

 

and make me realize that none of it really matters

 

I forgot how to remind myself that I matter

 

Because of you I now know that scars are meant to heal

 

I have yet to let my scars heal

 

And I know that love is real

 

I don’t know what love is

 

--H. D., Student

POSTED: Thursday, November 1, 2018 - 1:36pm
UPDATED: Tuesday, February 19, 2019 - 10:08am